Done

I have never felt so hurt and so disrespected by so many people.  I am tired of the lies, tired of the bullshit, tired of the manipulation, and tired of the drama.


I utterly had an emotional breakdown today because I can't handle this anymore. I need to get away from this.  I am done.  I have spent so much time and energy on two people who have taken me for granted.  One day I'm the bad guy, the next day I'm the favorite (which I could give two shits about anyway).  So this round I am the bad guy...that's fine because I'm done.  No more gifts, no more money, no more rides, no more beach trips.  I am drawing the line.  Bridges have been burned for the last time.

Manners

Do parents teach their kids manners anymore?

Last night Devon, Presley and I went to go see the fireworks at Horseshoe Lake.  We had a nice spot on the beach and set up our blanket to get a good view of the fireworks.  Of course there were a lot of kids running around, but there didn't seem to be a parent in sight.  There were kids purposely throwing sand on our blanket, going past the barricades into the water when the sign clearly said to stay out, kids running through the sand kicking it all which way, and flinging ice cream at everyone.  We and another couple around these hooligans ended up moving our blankets.

I get that it was supposed to be a family fun night and for kids to have some fun, but that doesn't mean the kids shouldn't be mindful of the people around them.  When I have the kids on the beach, I always try to teach them proper beach etiquette as far as sand goes.  Of course no one can be careful all the time, but when a child is digging through the sand like a dog and throwing sand everywhere, that's where you need to draw the line.  Especially when you are on a super crowded beach!

Okay, rant over! I'm going to go enjoy my day.

The Ramblings of Someone Who Can't Fall Asleep!

There's a funny thing about friendship...you don't have to talk to one another everyday, or see each other all the time, but when you get that random phone call, text message or email, it can make your day.


There have been countless times when I've been in a bad mood or felt a little melancholy and out of the blue I will hear from one these friends to let me know they are thinking about me that day, and it will change my entire outlook on that day.  It's like they know.  There must be some sort of sixth sense to let them know that I could use a pick-me-up.  I'm sure I have done the same for them as well.


Seeing them in person is even better!!  Last week when I drove home from NC and stopped in to see Jess and Theresa.  I didn't think I would spend as much time there as I did, but once we get together, it's like time just passes and no one notices.  There is always something to talk about!


I remember a time during college that Jess and I went out to lunch after a night of drinking and we saw a cute older couple in the restaurant.  Jess had asked how, after many years of marriage and being together everyday, that could still have something to talk about.  I then reminded her that we were roommates, had lived together for going on two years, spent most of our time together and we still had stuff to talk about.  I don't know why that conversation sticks out in my head, but it's the truth.


I might not talk to everyone all the time and we might not know the goings-on in each other's lives all the time, but once we are together there is no topic that is off limits.  And that goes for all the great friends I made in college, not just Jess and Theresa.


The group emails, the get-togethers, the random "Jersey sucks" or "Yankees suck" text messages, the "I love yous" and everything else in between.  I really couldn't have asked to have met a better group of people in college.


As I think about my cousin Brian going off to college in the fall, I can only hope he has a similar experience!

I posted this pic awhile back on a couple of friends' facebook pages

p.s. this post does not only apply to college friends.


p.p.s. I don't know what compelled me to get out of bed at 12:30 and write this post!

Frustrated

Trying to search for work has got to be one of the most frustrating things ever.  There aren't many "good" jobs out there and most don't pay what I need to survive.  Not only that, but I don't even know what I would like to do or where I would like to end up.

I think about moving constantly, but I don't know if that is the answer.  I fear if I do move I will miss the kids too much.  They have been a big part of my life for the past 8 years and I have seen them at least once a month since they were born, so for me to move far away and not be able to see them, I feel it would break my heart.

I know I can't base my decisions on other people, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't worry about them.  I would worry about how it would effect them if I move far away and couldn't see them as often.  It doesn't help that anyone I talk to about moving always asks me "what about the kids?"

Hopefully one of these days I will figure something out!

Busy Busy

It's been quite awhile since I last posted.  I just got home after being away for two weeks!  First I was down by my parents, then I came home for about 7 hours to sleep and went down by my sister and spent some time with her and the kids.  We had some fun at the beach, until Marisah got stung by a jellyfish and we had to take her to the ER.  Poor baby girl.  She was in so much pain but she handled it quite well.  She made me sit in the back seat with her while Courtney drove to the hospital and she pulled my arm around her, laid her head on my shoulder and was crying.  It broke my heart!  I wanted to cry too, but I knew it would only make her feel worse.  She got the sting while swimming in the bay, so needless to say, I don't think she will be swimming in the bay again anytime soon.  It's too bad though because she had so much fun until that happened!

The aftermath of Rissy's jellyfish "hug"

On my way home from North Carolina, I made a stop to the Eastern Shore to see Theresa and the baby and to have dinner with Jess.  Sophie is so cute and so small!!  I spent a good amount of time with Theresa and it was so good to catch up and chat!  On the way to meet Jess for dinner I was driving through Salisbury and I was reminded of so many memories that I had forgotten about.  I passed the Chicken Man, UP, Brittingham Square, The Greens, Green Mor, SU, Cheers...all such great memories.  The memories that I made down there would not be such great memories if it hadn't been for the people I met and call my friends.  Sometimes I wish I could go back just for a week and relive it all!  


What I expected to be a quick trip through the Eastern Shore turned into a five hour pit stop.  Time went by so fast, I didn't even realize what time it was.  I started my trip in NC at 8 am and did not get to Jersey until 1:15 am.  It was all completely worth it.  


I wish that everyone could have as great of a college experience as I had.  I wouldn't change any one bit of it for anything!

Happy Father's Day!

The other day while my mom and I were taking a walk she was telling me how much I am like my father.  At that particular point it wasn't necessarily a good thing.  She said neither one of us talk and how it can be frustrating for her.  I am laid back like my father, while she is a bit neurotic and worries about my life when I'm not worrying about my own.  I had also pointed out earlier in the day how she missed the garbage with a paper towel and instead of picking it up I pointed it out to her.  Classic Kevin Wenthen move!


I like being like my father.  There isn't anyone else in the world I would rather be like.  He may be quiet and laid back, but I know if I ever need him, he will be there for me.  I also know that we can sit in a room together and not say a word, but it doesn't make a difference.


We just got back from a day on the golf course and dinner.  Not too much was said back and forth but it was nice knowing I could spend the day with my dad!

I hope everyone else had a great day with their fathers! Or, if you are a father, I hope you had a great day!  You all definitely deserve it!

Southern Living

I have been down visiting my parents for the last few days and I have to admit that I love southern living. I love that people are so friendly (although a bit annoying having to stop and say hello to everyone while talking my morning walk), I love that the people at the supermarket offer you help to your car, even if you only have one bag!  The houses are gorgeous, the weather is great and the simple way of life is perfection.

There is not much that I miss as far as the hustle and bustle of Jersey. I don't miss the traffic, I don't miss the rude people everywhere and I certainly don't miss the dirty congestion.

Right now I'm sitting on my parents porch watching the golfers and the birds in the river. I could probably sit out here all day! I wish I didn't have to go home next week but reality calls! Until then though, I'm going to enjoy the next few days here and celebrate Father's Day with my dad! I get to sit in a golf cart and chauffeur him around all day as he plays!

Are People Worth It?

Sometimes I wonder if some people are worth it.  You treat them well, you help them out, and then they treat you like crap or take advantage of you.  I'm sure a lot of people have had similar experiences, but what makes it so that we keep trying?  I know the reasoning behind me trying and it is a good reason, but how many times do I need to get hurt?


I keep saying I'm not going to let it bother me and that eventually this other person will learn their lesson, but I do let it get to me.  It has happened many times and this other person does not seem to find anything wrong with their actions, even if I have told them how I feel.  It is always just one excuse after another.


I know I have other people who would do anything for me so I will continue to build and thrive on these relationships.  I appreciate everyone who is there for me and who continually shows me support!

It's All Happening...

Okay, maybe not, but since its one of my favorite movie lines I wanted to use it.

I had another interview today and I'm hoping it went well.  It was for a credit union and the growth potential is great!  I'm hoping to hear some good news next week so keep your fingers crossed!

I'm excited about this weekend.  I am heading down to Maryland to celebrate Jeff's 30th birthday with some of my best friends!  Since I will already be south, I decided to keep on driving south and visit my parents.  I'm hoping that since Iron Man 3 is being filmed there, I will have a Robert Downey Jr or Gwyneth Paltrow sighting.

I don't have much else to say today.  It's been a quiet few days.  I hope everyone has a great weekend and next time you hear from me, I'll be on the beach :-)

My Marbles

When my cousin Sarah passed away in 2001 it was the most devastating thing that has happened to our family.  I remember being woken up early on a Tuesday morning to a phone call from my mom telling me that Sarah, who had been abroad in Taiwan, had been hit by a bus and was killed.  I was numb.  I don't remember a lot about the rest of the day.  The four hour drive home was a blur and even after I got home I don't remember much other than going to bed around 7 pm and crying myself hysterically to sleep.

The next days were filled with spending time with the family and trying to make arrangements.  Since her body had been in Taiwan it took awhile for it to be released to the US.  The day after her passing was her younger brother's 18th birthday.  Talk about the worst birthday a person could have.  We tried to make it nice by buying him some Vegan ice cream, but not many were in the mood for celebrating.


Sarah's childhood best friend Michelle, as well as her college friends, quickly became a part of our own family. At Sarah's funeral Michelle began passing out marbles to all of us so that we wouldn't "lose our marbles" with all the heartache and stress.  It became a distraction for me to roll the marbles in my hands and try to forget about what was going on around me.  It was so hard for everyone around to go through such a tragedy.  I can remember the triplets, who had grown close to Sarah while she lived in California, hysterically crying.  They were so young to have to endure such pain.


Since Sarah had passed I had kept her marbles with me everyday. I switched them from purse to purse without giving it a second thought.  About six years ago when my grandmother passed away, Michelle was there with more marbles.  I added those marbles to the ones I had received when Sarah passed and had carried them around everywhere.


Somewhere along the line I must have stopped switching them from purse to purse.  Just the other day I was going through some old purses in order to sell them, and I found my marbles!  It brought such joy for me to discover these and roll them around in my hands.  I feel like Sarah and my Nana are looking down on me.  I will now put them in my purse and once again continue to switch them from purse to purse.  I know I had Sarah's marbles in my purse the day I was in a car accident and had to be cut out of the car with the jaws of life.  I walked away with a bruised rib and some other bruises and scratches but it could have been a whole lot worse.  I remember a police officer looking me straight in the eyes and telling me he had no idea how I survived.  I do.  I know I had a guardian angel looking over me that day and have many looking over me today!

My Role In Life

I have found the role I was born to play...too bad I'm not in a point in my life where it is feasible.


I really feel like I was born to be a mom!  The past two Fridays I was able to pick Marisah and Harrison up from school and spend the weekend with them.  I love picking them up from school.  I love hearing about their day, seeing what they learned that day, ask about any tests, and communicate with their teachers. I love looking through their backpacks to see all their work and going over anything that they seem to be having trouble with.


In addition to all these things, I love watching them play and learn.  I love making dinner for them while they quietly play on the computer or read a book. I love the hugs at night, the cuddles in bed in the morning and the unconditional outpouring of love.


I even love singing "Down By The Bay" for an hour on the car ride home from the beach and listening to their silly rhymes.


A lot of people seem to think that being a stay-at-home mom is a thankless job, but in my experience with being a "stand-in" the rewards are in the faces of the kids.  The rewards are the hugs and kisses.  The rewards are constantly being asked when they will see me again because they will miss me too much.  I have pure joy in taking care of those little munchkins.  Even if it is frustrating sometimes when they are not listening or behaving, it is a wrinkle in time that will quickly pass.


I love making a difference in the life of a child- there is no greater reward in the world!  I will continue to do everything I can to make these kids have the best life they can.  

In My Life

My father exposed me to a lot of music.  He always had a bunch of records and CDs around the house, and long car rides equaled his music on the radio.  I was able to learn a lot of different classic rock music and now I enjoy that more than I do any of the newer stuff on the radio.  I love Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, The Doobie Brothers, Steve Miller Band, etc.  My two most favorite Pandora stations are The Beatles Station and Fleetwood Mac.


I hate the question "what is your favorite song?" or "who is your favorite band?"  I could never answer either of these questions.  I have thousands of songs on my iPod and while on shuffle, there are so many times a new song will come on and I get excited about it.  Music is such a large part of my life.  It evokes so many emotions and can be attached to so many different memories.


I remember every time "In My Life" by The Beatles came on the radio my father would say that he wanted it played at his funeral.  I know its kind of morbid, but from the first time I can remember hearing the song, I can remember my dad uttering those words.  Now every time I hear it, I think of my dad.  Mostly it makes me smile, until I think about the part about it being played at his funeral.  I have cried numerous times while listening to the song, but I can't bear to turn it off.

There are so many other Beatles song that make me cry because I can't help but think of who I associate the song with.  Mostly they are happy tears though!  

I could never live without music!  I can't be in a car without music on, the silence is deafening!